And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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