i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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