break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
