yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
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I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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