I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
