remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
