He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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