he puts the penis in happiness.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
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