wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We left the knife in your bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
