The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
