Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
