Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
