everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
