she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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