you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
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