I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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