I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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