How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
