my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
