For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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