if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
