Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
