The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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