Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
