My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Randomize
