I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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