does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Randomize