i need an iv and a liver transplant
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
