I'm eating all of the evidence.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
