then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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