On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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