So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
