I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
