Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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