If i come over, it means nothing
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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