there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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