I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
