Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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