Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
