My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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