After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
