Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
