the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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