just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
