Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
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Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
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I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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