Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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