i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
