Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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