At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
