Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
