My room smells like vodka and shame
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
