nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
