if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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