Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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