I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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