flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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