I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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