I wish I could punch you in the face.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
