My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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