my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
