Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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