It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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