So drunk its hurt
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
