Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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