I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
