I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
she told me i tasted like america
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I have feelings that need drinking.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
