she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
