addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
