I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Randomize
