She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
