Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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