First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
