There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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