You smell like stripper and shame
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
