I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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