Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
